On a happier note...

Yesterday and today were much better days. I went to church yesterday morning, and it really makes such a difference in how I look at life. The pastor talked about the spirit vs. the sinful nature, and as much as I want to say that I am sowing seeds that will bear the fruit of the Spirit, sometimes, I really don't know. I am so incredibly moody, and I don't always treat others with the love they should be shown. I fail a lot of times to set a good example for younger Christians and those who may not know Jesus yet. Even through all of the times that I mess up, God still loves me and can use the times where I mess up to bring Himself glory. Such a crazy thought!

Anyhow, I am really excited with what God is doing with our church. Each week, there are more and more in attendance, and I just pray that the people who are new would feel welcomed and would feel that sense of community. I made a huge leap of faith yesterday because I saw a girl who was sitting by herself, and I went to sit by her, and I hope I made a new friend! I just know that when I was in my first two or three years of college that I really wanted an upperclassmen to take an interest in my life and to act as a spiritual mentor. I'm hoping that through my experiences that I can make a difference in someone else's life help her to know that she is so worthy of having a friend.

I got coffee with one of my dearest friends this morning. She and I have been friends for 4 years now, and we only get to see each other a few times a year, but we keep in touch through various forms of communication. It has been so crazy to see how far we have come and how much we have matured. I am so happy for her and where her life is at right now, and it was just really encouraging to be able to hang out with her today :)

It's days like today that I can't even believe how great my life is.

Some days you feel like a nut...

And some days you feel like everyone else in the world is a nut, except you. Today is one of those days. I work at the information desk at my school. I was not originally scheduled to work today, but it is also Homecoming weekend. My co-workers who were scheduled had already planned to go to the game downtown. I could use the extra money, so I agreed to work from 9 to 5 while they go and enjoy themselves (aka drink themselves into a stupor). Anyhow, I woke up this morning feeling surly because I just was not looking forward to hanging out by myself for over 8 hours with only minimal human interaction. Like I've said before, I am an introverted extrovert, and I like being around people the majority of the time.

Unfortunately, there have been a few people today that have just not been very nice and make me wish I was at home. I wasn't trying to purposely make them angry. I was telling them the facts about our University. Sometimes, the politics just don't work to the advantage of the student. I don't make the rules. So, if something is inconvenient for you, I'm sorry, but I am just a student. I can't change how things work for one person because then we would be making exceptions for everyone, and mass chaos would ensue.

I especially like when people try to tell me that they think they know how to solve the problem after they come up to the desk and ask for my help. Really? You don't have to be a jerk when I am telling you what to do so that you can do your laundry. It really annoys me when people won't admit that they are wrong. Suck it up!

I'm feeling really cynical today, obviously. And I still have to go to the grocery store this evening because I have nothing in the refrigerator. Yay!

Round 1

I've never been one to let the entire world in on what I am thinking, but maybe that was foolish on my part. What if I have something to say that is exactly what someone else needed to hear? I first thought about blogging a few months ago when I was in England. (To read up on my adventures, go here.) I have a lot on my mind the majority of the time, and I feel like I never get to share it with anyone.

I am an introverted extrovert. I love being around people. I love knowing what is going on in their lives and what they are struggling with and how I can support them. I have a hard time truly letting these same people know about what is going on in my life. I think that when I tell others about my current life events and woes that I am somehow burdening them. The last thing I want is for anyone to feel sorry for me or to feel like I am complaining about anything. Generally speaking, I have a really great life! I have a wonderful family and a handful of very close friends. I enjoy what I am studying in school. I have gotten to travel to some really neat places and experience ridiculously awesome things. Most importantly, I have a loving relationship with God, which is the thing I am most proud of in my life.

Even through all of that, I still have my doubts about whether I am good enough to succeed at anything, what I should be doing with my life, how to maintain friendships, etc. I guess I put up a good front because when I was having lunch with a new friend a few weeks ago, she never would have guessed that I had some of the struggles with finding Christian community that I shared with her. I know that I am not perfect, but I didn't think that I came across that I had it all together. Inside, I get so nervous about every single thing. For instance, I hate going to anything where a large group of people is involved, even when I know a lot of those people.

I truly don't know what the purpose of this blog is right now. All I know is that I need an outlet. I don't like talking about myself that much with anyone except family. Maybe this is the best way I know of to communicate my hopes and fears...