Round 1

I've never been one to let the entire world in on what I am thinking, but maybe that was foolish on my part. What if I have something to say that is exactly what someone else needed to hear? I first thought about blogging a few months ago when I was in England. (To read up on my adventures, go here.) I have a lot on my mind the majority of the time, and I feel like I never get to share it with anyone.

I am an introverted extrovert. I love being around people. I love knowing what is going on in their lives and what they are struggling with and how I can support them. I have a hard time truly letting these same people know about what is going on in my life. I think that when I tell others about my current life events and woes that I am somehow burdening them. The last thing I want is for anyone to feel sorry for me or to feel like I am complaining about anything. Generally speaking, I have a really great life! I have a wonderful family and a handful of very close friends. I enjoy what I am studying in school. I have gotten to travel to some really neat places and experience ridiculously awesome things. Most importantly, I have a loving relationship with God, which is the thing I am most proud of in my life.

Even through all of that, I still have my doubts about whether I am good enough to succeed at anything, what I should be doing with my life, how to maintain friendships, etc. I guess I put up a good front because when I was having lunch with a new friend a few weeks ago, she never would have guessed that I had some of the struggles with finding Christian community that I shared with her. I know that I am not perfect, but I didn't think that I came across that I had it all together. Inside, I get so nervous about every single thing. For instance, I hate going to anything where a large group of people is involved, even when I know a lot of those people.

I truly don't know what the purpose of this blog is right now. All I know is that I need an outlet. I don't like talking about myself that much with anyone except family. Maybe this is the best way I know of to communicate my hopes and fears...