Life Lessons from Strangers

On my morning commute to work, I occasionally see an elderly man walking on the sidewalk, using his cane, and going about his life. What makes this man special? Why do I always look for him? I have no idea who he is, where he lives, or what he has done in his lifetime.

I do know that whenever a car passes him by, he waves and grins at the driver.

This man chooses joy each morning on his stroll. The first time I saw him, I thought that he knew the person that was passing. When it kept happening though, I knew that he was just doing it to show some kindness. He doesn't know any of us, but that doesn't stop this man from grinning at his fellow human-beings like they were his best friends in the whole world. It is one of the sweetest experiences to see how much he wants to say "hello". I always make sure to wave back.

There is so much anger and hatred in the world. What would it look like if we truly loved our enemies, as Jesus tells us to do in Matthew 5?

Work-Life-Baseball Balance

I went to a baseball game last night with some of my co-workers for a company outing. The whole day, I was dreading going for a number of reasons. First of all, I don’t drink very often, and I knew that a lot of my work friends were going to use the event as an excuse to become very intoxicated. That is their choice, and if that is what makes them happy, so be it. The party lifestyle is simply not how I choose to live. I don’t like how I get when I drink, and I don’t think that I am able to be like Christ in those moments. However, I know that in those situations, it is very difficult not to succumb to peer pressure. No one has ever forced me to take a sip of alcohol, but I still feel the pressure because it never feels good to be considered the outsider.

Another reason I didn’t want to go to the game is because of my singleness. Most of my co-workers have a significant other, and the ones who don’t are the ones who drink heavily. What was I going to do? I hate small talk. It pretty much bores me to tears because it doesn’t mean anything. I want to know what people are actually about, not just what they do. I didn’t really have a choice in the matter because I am on the committee that plans the company events; it was my responsibility to go as part of that role.

It ended up being okay because there were three other single female co-workers who were there that weren’t drinking either. (At an engineering company, the fact that there was even one other person from my same demographic there was amazing, let alone three!) I actually had a really good time. The team even won! And the fireworks after the game were absolutely phenomenal.

In the midst of my pity party yesterday afternoon when I seriously considered just going home for the night, I had texted a friend to complain. Her response was that I needed “to learn to be content in being single eventually”. Um. Okay. I don’t think that not wanting to hang out by myself in a crowd of drunken people was really a problem with singleness. It was a problem with not feeling understood in general. 

It is very hard to maintain my faith and values in the workplace when everyone else practically screams that they think I am wrong. Cursing is pervasive in the language around the office, and I very much want to change how much I contribute to it. Drinking is a common theme among work functions. I really had to change my attitude when I started my career because I have never been around alcohol very much, but that is simply how my co-workers choose to relate to one another. Other people have different standards, and I can’t judge them for how they live their lives. I can only seek to do my best to live the way I think God wants me to live.

Not a Latte Conversation

Something historic happened tonight: I went on a date. Why is this historic, you ask? Well, I can actually count the number of guys I have dated on less than two hands. I didn’t even go on my first “official” date until the week before I turned 23. As you can probably see, dating has never been high on my list of priorities. I figure that there is a lot of hassle involved that I just don’t care to handle. I was at an event for work a couple weeks ago, and afterwards, I was getting lunch with a few of the ladies from the office. They were all talking about their husbands and making marriage sound incredibly enticing (not.) when one of them asked me what I thought about younger men. She proceeded to tell me about her cousin (let’s call him "T") who was a sweet guy and had broken up with his long-time girlfriend earlier this year. I said I was open to being set up and told her that she could see if he was interested.

When I got into work on Monday, my co-worker said that her cousin was very interested, and she gave me T’s number so that he and I could talk. I sent him a text that night to say “hello”, and so, we started talking and trying to get to know one another. Only, the texts didn’t really make up a conversation. There weren’t many questions being asked, just a lot of statements being made. It didn’t seem like we were really making much progress, but T still kept texting me anyway. He also would send me messages very early in the mornings to say things like “Good morning. Have a great day.” Keep in mind that we had not even seen in each other in person yet. Those are the types of messages that you send when you are already in a relationship.

Within a few days, I was already getting bored with the texting back and forth. I don’t think T meets new people very often, and I don’t think he is a bad guy. I simply wasn’t interested. We didn’t have much to say to each other. I had to make a day-trip to Atlanta for work last Friday, and he was texting me during the middle of the day. When I said that I was travelling, the subject came up of whether or not we each liked to travel. I have been out of the country twice, and I have travelled to various places around the United States. I love travelling, and I want to do much more of it in the coming years. However, T had only been to two of the immediately surrounding states. There is nothing wrong with this. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being happy where you are, but that isn’t the culture in which I was raised. My family greatly values learning and travelling and growing as an individual, and that hunger for knowledge was instilled in me from a very young age.

Things were not off to a great start. We didn’t say much over the next couple of days until Tuesday. It was the same story with the text messages not really saying anything. At this point, I was about done with the situation but didn’t know how to politely end it. I sent a message saying, “I feel like we don’t really have a lot to say in our text messages. It’s hard to get to know someone when you aren’t having actual conversations.” Much to my surprise, T agreed and asked if I wanted to go out for lunch, dinner, or coffee. I couldn’t say “no”, so I agreed to coffee, the least committal of the three options. We agreed upon a time of two days later and a place near the river.

Fast forward to Thursday: the date wasn’t terrible, but I think I really only went because I felt like I owed it to my co-worker to give it a shot. T was polite and held the door open for me, but we were struggling the entire evening to find common ground. We don’t share many, if any, common interests. At more than one point, when there was a pause in the conversation, he would mumble, “What else is there to talk about?” There was no flow of conversation, and I don’t think either of us were at fault for it not being a good match. After sitting and talking for about an hour, we took a walk, which landed us back at the plaza around 9 PM. T asked if I wanted anything else like ice cream or whatever, and I said that I was good. Then, I asked if he just wanted to call it a night. It was getting late, and we both had work in the morning! He walked me to my car, we hugged, and we parted ways. 

I don’t expect that we will be having a second date, which is fine with me. I have no ill feelings towards T, and I would consider being his friend, just not a romantic partner.

Can you really "think and grow rich?"

A few months ago, my boss at work gave me his copy of "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill and told me that I should read it. That was over 6 months ago, and I am only on chapter 3. I am having a terrible time at finding the motivation to read this book.

I think it is great when people give book recommendations. I have always loved reading. When the reading feels more like a chore or a task, though, it becomes increasingly more difficult to pick up the recommended book. With this particular book, the premise is essentially that if you focus so much on the thing you want, eventually, you will be successful at achieving it, whether that thing is money or not. Reading this book is such a struggle because I don't actually know what I want. The ways that I used to define success keep changing. I thought my life would be so much more different than how it has actually turned out to be that I don't know what it would take for me to consider myself more successful than I currently am.

What does success look like to you? Has someone ever recommended a book to you that you just couldn't bring yourself to read yet? Did anything change your mind to where you were able to finish that book?

I don't want to grow up!

When I was little, I took tap-dancing classes. Our recital performance one year was to "I won't grow up" from the musical Peter Pan. We had these ridiculous pink and white sequined costumes that had nothing to do with the song:

Don't I look thrilled?

Anyhow, whenever life is getting me down and adulting seems too hard, I think back to that song.

Last week, I took two days off work in order to attend a church leadership conference here in Cincinnati. It was such an awesome experience getting to learn more about God, and I left the conference feeling spiritually renewed and ready to take on the world! My weekend was filled with family and friends and beautiful weather, and I felt so prepared to come back to work after being poured into during these experiences.

I knew that things were going to be a little hectic today because that is simply what happens whenever you take time away from the office; it takes twice the amount of time you were gone in order to get caught up. I hadn't even been at my desk for 20 minutes before someone started saying that they needed something done ASAP.

Lately, it seems like no matter what I do at my job, it is never enough. I frequently come home crying in the evenings because I am so frustrated at the amount of work still left to do and the unrealistic expectation of when it all needs to be done. There is a huge amount of distrust among my team members, where no one believes that anyone else can help them, so we all stay on our own little islands. I never really pictured this career for myself in the first place, which makes it all the more difficult to stay with it. We are short-staffed, and the management really isn't helping the issue. There is very little transparency within the company about how issues are being resolved. I don't think it would be much better if I went to a different firm though.

I've thought about changing careers, but I don't even know where I would start looking. I never had a "dream job" when I was a kid. I mostly just picked a major because I thought it sounded good in theory. I've taken some career tests, but I don't really like the options they give me. What about you - how did you decide what career path you wanted to choose?

If only I could be like Peter Pan and never have to worry about growing up...

I'm Trying

One Saturday a couple weeks ago, I thought it would be a good idea to start online dating again. (It wasn't.) I don't think it was out of a place of loneliness that I was searching for companionship. It was more of a sign of boredom. Have you ever had those moments where you keep going back to the same patterns, expecting different results? I certainly have. I heard somewhere that's what they call insanity.

Over the past few years, I have tried online dating numerous times. I have gone on dates with a handful of young men I met and even started a long-ish relationship with one. However, I have come to the conclusion that I really don't want to find someone by meeting on a random dating site. The one relationship that resulted from online dating was filled with a lot of difficulties. Neither of us really wanted to see the other person for who we truly were. When things got hard, the relationship really started to crumble. We had different theologies, and there really wasn't much we had in common. We had no mutual friends. We struggled to let each other in to the places that made us unique.It ended badly, and if I am being honest, I still suffer from a lot of hurt involving that relationship.

The other dates I have been on with guys I met online were duds. Every time I have tried online dating in the past, I always get frustrated about the process. So why did I feel the need to create a new profile?

I have no idea.

Almost instantly, I was getting messages from guys on this particular site. Most of them were one word. I had a few comment on my perceived attractiveness, which was flattering, sure! But that didn't mean I wanted to be messaged solely because of my looks. I had actually put some thought into what my profile would say, throwing in some witty remarks here and there. I made sure to put that my faith was very important to how I live my life. It didn't matter. After two days, I was exhausted from the attention. I always forget how much effort it takes when you sign up for online dating. I decided to cancel my account on Monday night.

The following Saturday, I went to lunch with my mom and my aunt. Our waiter was very attentive and engaging, and he was good-looking too! At the end of our meal, someone joked about me leaving him my number or a note or something. Thinking I had nothing to lose, I did. I took out one of my business cards, wrote a note on the back, and put a star next to my cell phone number. It went into the folder with the tip, and off we went to enjoy a day of shopping.

It's been a week, and I haven't heard anything from him. I don't actually expect he would call me. The point is that I put myself out there with a real, live person, not some picture on a screen. That is definitely more exciting!

Round 2 - Let's try this again

I've never been good at sticking with something for an extended period of time. I usually decide that it is too difficult, and then I give up before actually discovering if I can be successful. That being said, I am going to try blogging again. It's been a while, but I'm still the same me. Well, that's not exactly true. I finally graduated from college two years ago and have been working as an engineer here in Cincinnati. I am still single/unmarried/approaching spinster status, much to my dismay some days. I am still struggling with finding community. I guess all of these things simply mean that I am living, which is better than the alternative.

I have a dear friend that is getting married in a few weeks, and her future family threw a couple's shower in honor of her and her future husband this afternoon. If there was ever a surefire way to make single young women feel more aware of their singleness and lack of prospects, it would be to invite them to a wedding shower. The world decided that wasn't quite enough, so someone invented "couple's showers". I was one of two single women at this event, and while I am so truly very happy for my friend and her new chapter in life, I can't help but wonder when I will have something that doesn't make me feel so alone. It would be nice to have a partner. I've been on my own for so long that I don't even know if I am capable of letting someone that deeply into my life.

As I was driving home from work  yesterday, I realized how embittered I have become lately. I don't really like it, but old habits die hard. I want to be happy for the people around me who have new, exciting things happening to them. It's difficult when i feel like I have been stuck in the same place for the past couple of years with no real changes. The loneliness and discontent don't seem to be going away, and I'm not sure what to do to make things better. I have tried to be more involved at church, which helps to a certain extent, but I am still lacking in that ever elusive area of community. I want to find a group of friends with whom I can be open and honest about my struggles and also just enjoy life.