Round 2 - Let's try this again

I've never been good at sticking with something for an extended period of time. I usually decide that it is too difficult, and then I give up before actually discovering if I can be successful. That being said, I am going to try blogging again. It's been a while, but I'm still the same me. Well, that's not exactly true. I finally graduated from college two years ago and have been working as an engineer here in Cincinnati. I am still single/unmarried/approaching spinster status, much to my dismay some days. I am still struggling with finding community. I guess all of these things simply mean that I am living, which is better than the alternative.

I have a dear friend that is getting married in a few weeks, and her future family threw a couple's shower in honor of her and her future husband this afternoon. If there was ever a surefire way to make single young women feel more aware of their singleness and lack of prospects, it would be to invite them to a wedding shower. The world decided that wasn't quite enough, so someone invented "couple's showers". I was one of two single women at this event, and while I am so truly very happy for my friend and her new chapter in life, I can't help but wonder when I will have something that doesn't make me feel so alone. It would be nice to have a partner. I've been on my own for so long that I don't even know if I am capable of letting someone that deeply into my life.

As I was driving home from work  yesterday, I realized how embittered I have become lately. I don't really like it, but old habits die hard. I want to be happy for the people around me who have new, exciting things happening to them. It's difficult when i feel like I have been stuck in the same place for the past couple of years with no real changes. The loneliness and discontent don't seem to be going away, and I'm not sure what to do to make things better. I have tried to be more involved at church, which helps to a certain extent, but I am still lacking in that ever elusive area of community. I want to find a group of friends with whom I can be open and honest about my struggles and also just enjoy life.